Said a smart chicken "turk" to his mother,
The people cry, "Love one another!"
But they'll eat us, you'll see -
You and Father and Me,
And likewise my Sister and Brother.
Lucy B. Hyde - Vintage Limerick Postcard
Ate a lot of green apples, and died
"The apples fermented,"
The doctor commented,
"And made cider inside her inside.
Havana Banana Girl - Vintage Limerick Postcards
Once stepped on an empty banana
An act indiscreet
For her feet left the street
In a very embarrassing manna.
A Galllant Young Scot Named McGluskie - Limerick Postcard
Was told by a maid named McFruskie
Your kilt is neat
Your kisses are sweet
But your breath smell a trifle like whisky!
Tom Tom, the Piper's Son - Vintage Limerick Postcard
Bought a car which he tried to run
But the car got loose
Killed a fat prize goose
Which cost him fifty at the Calaboose.
There Was a Young Lady Quite Gay - Vintage Limerick Postcard
 |
Who hailed from New York they say
If you had plenty money
You could call her honey
If not - might as well keep away.
A Lady Named May - Vintage Limerick Postcard
Just lately a lady named May
Who was raised in the great U.S.A.
Has managed to collar
In exchange for the Dollar
A live British Duke, so they say.
Young Footman of Diss - Vintage Limerick Postcard
Who stole from the housemaid a kiss
His Mistress, who knew it
Said, "How could you do it?"
He replied, "Bless you marm, just like this."
Melbourne Australia Tram Railway Postcard Limerick
Standing up on a Carlton tram dummy
She was told to sit down
But replied, with a frown,
"There's no room for my poor little -----."
(Mind the curves, please!)
There Was a Gay Girlie of Ayr - Vintage Limerick Postcard
Who was really too devil-may-car,
One day, in the sea,
She wore nothing, not she!
And, lucky for me, I was there.
A Star-boarder Named Percy Nash - Vintage Limerick Postcard
Said, "I'm tired of boarding-house hash,
Of biscuits and prunes,
And "near-silver" spoons
So I think that I'll move and pay cash!"
There Was A Young Lady From Nile - Vintage Limerick Postcard
Who wanted to be in the style
Though we must confess,
When in evening dress,
She out-stripped them all by a mile.
The Gambler - Vintage Limerick Postcard
His work is another man's play
But there's many a slip
'Twixt the pot and the chip
As he learns to his cost every day.
The Cheerful Liar - Vinegar Valentine Postcard
His fancy can run very free,
His "fish stories" are great,
His "hot air" first rate,
He'll beat old Munchhausen you'll see!
The Lovesick Lass - A Vinegar Valentine
And she says she's "two strings on her bow."
She thinks she's a flirt
But some people assert
Its the beaus that string her, don't you know!
The Masher - A Vinegar Valentine Limerick
I'm a charmer of the highest degree
My style is so dashing
Whenever I'm mashing
Some maiden's heart flutters to me.
In A Bootmaker's Shop Down At Luton
A young lady was pulling a boot on
When she fell on the ground
And the shopkeeper found
That the girl had a bicycle suit on.
Happy Thanksgiving Limerick Postcard - Turkey Chick
Said a smart chicken "turk" to his mother,
The people cry, "Love one another!"
But they'll eat us, you'll see -
You and Father and Me,
And likewise my Sister and Brother.
Vintage Halloween Postcard - Wise Little Owls
Tu-wit, tu-wit, tu-woo
We're wise little owls we two
In the moon's bright beam
This Hallowe'en
We hoot a greeting to you.
Vintage Spooks and Goblins Limerick Postcard
Are trailing round, you know!
When owls hoot
And goblins scoot
And witches come and go!
A Young Man from the West - A Cowboy Limerick
Who purchased a swell fancy vest
When he walked down the street
Every one he would meet
Would give him a nod and a jest.
A Healthy Young Damsel Named Kate - Limerick Postcard
With a tete-a-tete, dined at eight-eight
And what Kate, at eight-eight
With her tete-a-tete, ate
Made it costly to cater for Kate.
The Waitress Limerick
The waitress asks, "What is it you wish?"
Whether soup or meat, dessert or fish.
She spills things galore,
In pacing the floor,
And often her thumb you'll find in the dish.
He Tells Of The Fish He Has Caught - A Fishing Limerick
He tells of the fish he has caught--
(In truth, they were some that he bought),
For he ne'er had a bite,
From morning till night,
Except at the lunch he had bought!
Vintage Christmas Limerick Poem Postcard - Christmas Pudding
Hail to its puddings and plums
Great blessings upon
The dear children
For whom this sweet Christmastide comes!
Christmas Limerick Postcard - To You And All Your Kinfolk
A Happy Christmas Day!
A crowded year
Of joy and cheer
And fun and work and play!
Halloween Witch Limerick - Vintage Postcard Limerick
If the Witches you see on paraid
They are excellent folk
But delight in a joke
For that's just the way they are maid
Said A Bat To An Owl In An Oak - Halloween Limerick
Said a Bat to an Owl in an oak-
"This Halloween Night is a joak!"
And that wise-looking bird
Replied: "Yes, it's absird,
I was thinking so when I awoak."
A Young Man From The South - A Drinking Limerick
Who seldom opened his mouth
Unless he had call
To drink a high ball
And to him it was always a drouth.
The Jockey's at Every Race Course
The jockey's at ev'ry race course
His mission's to sit on a horse
If you've gotten a tip
The horse is sure to slip
And you end with a case of remorse
The Poker Cut Up - Vintage Limerick Postcard
His dough made him feel like a cut up,
Tho' he stalled as a thought lit his nut up
Said he'd bet 'twas a cinch,
The whole works would be pinched,
But they told him to put up or shut up
He Longed to See Shepherd's Bush Expedition - A Limerick
Longed to see Shepherd's Bush Exhibition
So he went there one day
But I'm sorry to say
He returned in this funny condition.
A Lodger Whose Rent Was Unpaid - A Limerick Postcard
Of his landlady was much afraid
With the gravest of airs
He descended the stairs
But his further progress was delayed.
The Old Maid (Not Politically Correct) A Limerick
She's caught a poor cat and a birdBut she can't snare a man, so we've heard
It's the old maid's sad fate
To lose out on a mate
And take tea - but ssh! not a word.
A Young Lady Whose Name, It Was Simons
A young lady whose name, it was Simons,
Was exceedingly fond of white diamonds,
Said, "It's lovely to marry
A man like you Harry,
Who knows how to pick out the fine ones."
A Young Man Named Bill - Limerick Postcard
Who drank till he made himself ill
When a policeman asked why
He said with a sigh
It's (hic) dreadful how quickly I fill!
Vintage Thanksgiving Postcard Limerick - Dark Clouds
Dark clouds may overcast the Sun
The day be dark and murky
But you will find
If not too blind
Sunshine around each Turkey
Thanksgiving Turkey Limericks - Around The World
Are all upon the map
First is King
The second, Queen
And I'm the hungry chap
There Was A Young Man Of Bulgaria - Vintage Limerick Postcard
There was a young man of Bulgaria,
Who kicked his old boots down an area,
Said Mary to cook,
"Lawks 'a mercy! just look,
If it ain't raining shoes - there's a pair 'ere!"
There Was A Young Man Named Love - A Postcard Limerick
There was a young man named Love,
As sweet in his way as a Dove,
One morning he saw,
When he came to the door,
That Glory was sent from above!
Mouse in Stew Limerick
A man who was dining at Crewe,
Found quite a large mouse in his stew,
Said the waiter, "Don't shout!
And wave it about,
Or the rest will be wanting one too."
Vintage Halloween Night Limerick Postcard
Then the spooks upon Hallowe'en Night
Should they happen to call
Will not harm you at all
And the witches will quickly take flight
Prairie Home Companion Beer Limericks
There was a young man who loved Schlitz
Which he drank in his room at the Ritz
With pate (very rich)
And olives from which
His servants had cut out the pits.
There was a young man who loved Pabst
He drank it until he collapsed
He gave up beer
For Lent every year
And on Easter morning, relapsed.
There was a young man who loved Millers
More than all other painkillers
He drank secretly
In a dark shadowy
Doorway hidden by pillars.
There was a young man who loved Blatz
He drank it straight out of the vats
Along with a platter
Of vegetable matter
And another of animal fats.
Which he drank in his room at the Ritz
With pate (very rich)
And olives from which
His servants had cut out the pits.
There was a young man who loved Pabst
He drank it until he collapsed
He gave up beer
For Lent every year
And on Easter morning, relapsed.
There was a young man who loved Millers
More than all other painkillers
He drank secretly
In a dark shadowy
Doorway hidden by pillars.
There was a young man who loved Blatz
He drank it straight out of the vats
Along with a platter
Of vegetable matter
And another of animal fats.
At A Halloween Party A Ghost
At a Halloween party a ghost
As he walked arm-in-arm with the host
Said: "Unseen to play tricks,
And with people to micks,
Is the thing that amuses me most!"
Good Beer Always Tickled Joe Plank - A Drinking Limerick
Good beer always tickled Joe Plank,
One evening two gallons he drank,
Then a stranger nearby,
Remarked with a sigh,
Great Scott! That's no man - that's a tank!
A Tutor Who Tooted The Flute - A Limerick
A tutor who tooted the flute,
Was teaching two tooters to toot,
Said the two to the tutor,
"Is it harder to toot, or
To tutor two tooters to toot?"
A Halloween Limerick - Said A Bat To An Owl In An Oak
Said a Bat to an Owl in an oak-
"This Halloween Night is a joak!"
And that wise-looking bird
Replied: "Yes, it's absird,
I was thinking so when I awoak."
Cried A Witch To Her Cat - We Must Go
Cried a witch to her cat - We must go
And visit these people belo
Who say that they doubt us
Yet can't do without us
They're the most inconsistent I kno
Limerick - A Nursemaid Named Lottie
Who on Soldiers and Sailors was potty
Now she's quite in a stew
Between Kahki and Bule
And the problem is driving her dotty!
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