Who purchased a swell fancy vest
When he walked down the street
Every one he would meet
Would give him a nod and a jest.
A Young Man from the West - A Cowboy Limerick
Who purchased a swell fancy vest
When he walked down the street
Every one he would meet
Would give him a nod and a jest.
A Healthy Young Damsel Named Kate - Limerick Postcard
With a tete-a-tete, dined at eight-eight
And what Kate, at eight-eight
With her tete-a-tete, ate
Made it costly to cater for Kate.
The Waitress Limerick
The waitress asks, "What is it you wish?"
Whether soup or meat, dessert or fish.
She spills things galore,
In pacing the floor,
And often her thumb you'll find in the dish.
He Tells Of The Fish He Has Caught - A Fishing Limerick
He tells of the fish he has caught--
(In truth, they were some that he bought),
For he ne'er had a bite,
From morning till night,
Except at the lunch he had bought!
Vintage Christmas Limerick Poem Postcard - Christmas Pudding
Hail to its puddings and plums
Great blessings upon
The dear children
For whom this sweet Christmastide comes!
Christmas Limerick Postcard - To You And All Your Kinfolk
A Happy Christmas Day!
A crowded year
Of joy and cheer
And fun and work and play!
Halloween Witch Limerick - Vintage Postcard Limerick
If the Witches you see on paraid
They are excellent folk
But delight in a joke
For that's just the way they are maid
Said A Bat To An Owl In An Oak - Halloween Limerick
Said a Bat to an Owl in an oak-
"This Halloween Night is a joak!"
And that wise-looking bird
Replied: "Yes, it's absird,
I was thinking so when I awoak."
A Young Man From The South - A Drinking Limerick
Who seldom opened his mouth
Unless he had call
To drink a high ball
And to him it was always a drouth.
The Jockey's at Every Race Course
The jockey's at ev'ry race course
His mission's to sit on a horse
If you've gotten a tip
The horse is sure to slip
And you end with a case of remorse
The Poker Cut Up - Vintage Limerick Postcard
His dough made him feel like a cut up,
Tho' he stalled as a thought lit his nut up
Said he'd bet 'twas a cinch,
The whole works would be pinched,
But they told him to put up or shut up
He Longed to See Shepherd's Bush Expedition - A Limerick
Longed to see Shepherd's Bush Exhibition
So he went there one day
But I'm sorry to say
He returned in this funny condition.
A Lodger Whose Rent Was Unpaid - A Limerick Postcard
Of his landlady was much afraid
With the gravest of airs
He descended the stairs
But his further progress was delayed.
The Old Maid (Not Politically Correct) A Limerick
She's caught a poor cat and a birdBut she can't snare a man, so we've heard
It's the old maid's sad fate
To lose out on a mate
And take tea - but ssh! not a word.
A Young Lady Whose Name, It Was Simons
A young lady whose name, it was Simons,
Was exceedingly fond of white diamonds,
Said, "It's lovely to marry
A man like you Harry,
Who knows how to pick out the fine ones."
A Young Man Named Bill - Limerick Postcard
Who drank till he made himself ill
When a policeman asked why
He said with a sigh
It's (hic) dreadful how quickly I fill!
Vintage Thanksgiving Postcard Limerick - Dark Clouds
Dark clouds may overcast the Sun
The day be dark and murky
But you will find
If not too blind
Sunshine around each Turkey
Thanksgiving Turkey Limericks - Around The World
Are all upon the map
First is King
The second, Queen
And I'm the hungry chap
There Was A Young Man Of Bulgaria - Vintage Limerick Postcard
There was a young man of Bulgaria,
Who kicked his old boots down an area,
Said Mary to cook,
"Lawks 'a mercy! just look,
If it ain't raining shoes - there's a pair 'ere!"
There Was A Young Man Named Love - A Postcard Limerick
There was a young man named Love,
As sweet in his way as a Dove,
One morning he saw,
When he came to the door,
That Glory was sent from above!
Mouse in Stew Limerick
A man who was dining at Crewe,
Found quite a large mouse in his stew,
Said the waiter, "Don't shout!
And wave it about,
Or the rest will be wanting one too."
Vintage Halloween Night Limerick Postcard
Then the spooks upon Hallowe'en Night
Should they happen to call
Will not harm you at all
And the witches will quickly take flight
Prairie Home Companion Beer Limericks
There was a young man who loved Schlitz
Which he drank in his room at the Ritz
With pate (very rich)
And olives from which
His servants had cut out the pits.
There was a young man who loved Pabst
He drank it until he collapsed
He gave up beer
For Lent every year
And on Easter morning, relapsed.
There was a young man who loved Millers
More than all other painkillers
He drank secretly
In a dark shadowy
Doorway hidden by pillars.
There was a young man who loved Blatz
He drank it straight out of the vats
Along with a platter
Of vegetable matter
And another of animal fats.
Which he drank in his room at the Ritz
With pate (very rich)
And olives from which
His servants had cut out the pits.
There was a young man who loved Pabst
He drank it until he collapsed
He gave up beer
For Lent every year
And on Easter morning, relapsed.
There was a young man who loved Millers
More than all other painkillers
He drank secretly
In a dark shadowy
Doorway hidden by pillars.
There was a young man who loved Blatz
He drank it straight out of the vats
Along with a platter
Of vegetable matter
And another of animal fats.
At A Halloween Party A Ghost
At a Halloween party a ghost
As he walked arm-in-arm with the host
Said: "Unseen to play tricks,
And with people to micks,
Is the thing that amuses me most!"
Good Beer Always Tickled Joe Plank - A Drinking Limerick
Good beer always tickled Joe Plank,
One evening two gallons he drank,
Then a stranger nearby,
Remarked with a sigh,
Great Scott! That's no man - that's a tank!
A Tutor Who Tooted The Flute - A Limerick
A tutor who tooted the flute,
Was teaching two tooters to toot,
Said the two to the tutor,
"Is it harder to toot, or
To tutor two tooters to toot?"
A Halloween Limerick - Said A Bat To An Owl In An Oak
Said a Bat to an Owl in an oak-
"This Halloween Night is a joak!"
And that wise-looking bird
Replied: "Yes, it's absird,
I was thinking so when I awoak."
Cried A Witch To Her Cat - We Must Go
Cried a witch to her cat - We must go
And visit these people belo
Who say that they doubt us
Yet can't do without us
They're the most inconsistent I kno
Limerick - A Nursemaid Named Lottie
Who on Soldiers and Sailors was potty
Now she's quite in a stew
Between Kahki and Bule
And the problem is driving her dotty!
A Father Stork Limerick
Said Father Stork wisely one day,
Our stock in trade's getting passe,
For kids no one cares,
They all want Teddy Bears,
So I'll order some in right away.
Black Waiter Limerick
Who called to the waiter, "Hey Sam'l!
I've not had a drink,
For ten minutes I think -
By gad! You must think I'm a camel."
There Once Was A Girl From St. Paul
Who went to a newspaper ball,
Her dress caught on fire,
And exposed her entire
Front page, sports section, and all.
A Fisher Whose Last Name Was Fisher
Went fishing for fish in a fissure,
'Tis sad, but 'tis true,
He slipped and fell through,
Now they're fishing the fissure for Fisher!
By Superfuous Underwear Docking - Vintage Limerick Postcard
The Ladies, the Public are shocking,
For the Directoire Dress,
shows (we're bound to confess)
Even more of the FORM than the Stocking.
Young Damsel Named Rose
There was a young damsel named Rose,
Who economised - especially in clothes,
The Ladies said, "Shocking!"
To see so much stocking,
But the Men merely murmured, "WHAT HOSE!"
Lovers' Lane
There was a Young Lady named Jane,
Who wished to explore Lovers' Lane,
Her Young Man agreed-
With remarkable speed-
Now they go there again and again!
There Once Was A Giddy Young Scot
There once was a giddy young Scot,
A mania for swinging he'd got,
He swung up so high,
His feet to the sky,
That he gave all the Lassies a shock
FOL-THE-ROL-LOL
Mac Duff met a girl at Nuneaton,
Her figure had plenty of meat on!
She said: 'marry me, Mac,
And you'll find that my back
Is a nice place to warm your cold feet on!'
Thanksgiving Limerick
The cost of good living is greater,
Said a gentleman out in Decatur,
When Thanksgiving came round,
On inquiry I found,
He had dined on string beans and potater.
There Was A Young Lady Called Gwen
There was a young lady called Gwen,
Who was fearfully attracted to men,
She used to get frisky,
On pink gin and whisky,
And ALWAYS forgot to say "When!"
A Soldier Named Copps
A gallant young soldier named Copps,
Was told by a maiden named Stopps,
Your uniform's neat,
Your kisses are sweet,
But your breath smells a trifle like hops!
Hotel Porters
A man came to town with his son,
Who to carry their bag had begun,
When two porters of size,
Rushed & grabbed at the prize,
And fighting they pulled it undone.
An Ass of an Actor
An actor, who thought he could act,
Did his best applause to attract,
"My art's ripe!" He cried,
But the people replied,
"It's rotten!" And it was, for a fact.
A Latin Named Mando Romero
A Latin named Mando Romero,
had a girl who liked Arrow's Sombrero,
The day he changed brands,
she threw up her hands
and swore up and down, "no comparo."
Automobiling Limerick Postcard
If you never have been automobiling,
And wish to acquire the real feeling,
Jump off a high cliff,
Which will give you a whiff,
With the after effects while your're healing
Maude - Limerick Postcard
There once was a lady named Maude,
Whose dressmakers' bills were ignored,
Till her husband dumbfounded,
Was simply surrounded,
With bills that he could not afford.
Flappers
Half an inch, half an inch, half an inch shorter,The skirts are the same for mother and daughter,
When the wind blows,
Each of them shows,
Half an inch more than they oughter.
There Was A Young Lady Named Perkins
There was a young lady named Perkins,
Who had a great fondness for gherkins,
She ate such large numbers
Of unripe cucumbers,
It pickled her internal workin's!
The Ohio State Buckeyes Football Limerick
The football season is near,
It's always pleasin' to hear,
The roar of the crowd,
Our band, we're so proud,
The Bucks, they have reason to cheer!
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